So, did you write down your list of who you think you are from my previous post? I have added 30 from my list that I wrote for myself when I did this exercise: 

1. Wife 

2. Mother 

3. Step-Mother 

4. Teacher 

5. Organizer 

6. Laundress 

7. Maid 

8. Gardener 

9. Scrapbooker 

10. Friend 

11. Sister 

12. Daughter 

13. Daughter-in-law 

14. Leader 

15. Typist 

16. Singer 

17. Chauffeur 

18. Partner 

19. Hairdresser 

20. Hard worker 

21. Office Coordinator 

22. Babysitter 

23. Aunt 

24. Cousin 

25. Painter 

26. Home Decorator 

27. Waitress 

28. Fashion Coordinator 

29. Bather 

30. Chef 

When I was done and as I looked at my list these are some of the things I felt: 

- Overwhelmed 

- Busy 

- Lost 

- Overworked 

- Unappreciated 

- Hiding 

- Not good enough 

- Pressured 

- No time 

- I can’t do it anymore 

- I don’t want to do it anymore 

- Bogged down 

- Not smart enough 

- Can’t handle it/too much 

- Like a GIANT weight is on my shoulders 

Have you ever felt this way before? Well I have good news… 

The list of things you and I wrote are actually a list of who we are NOT. These are what my mentor calls “Identity Drugs”. They are labels we place on ourselves to HIDE behind. These are our excuses for not getting real with ourselves. We have been creating a game that is impossible to win. 

I’m going to take a few things from my list to show you what the rules have been. 

**Maid…the rule has been…”If my house is clean and organized, THEN people will think I am clean and organized. If it is NOT clean and organized, then people will think that I a complete mess and they won’t want to be friends with me, SO I have to work really, really hard to keep my house in tip top shape, so I can have friends.” 

**Teacher…the rule has been…”If my kids are smart, THEN people will think I am smart or that I am a good Mother. If my kids are not smart, then people will think that I am not doing a good enough job as a Mother, SO I better push my kids to be really good in school, so I can feel good enough as a Mother.” 

**Chef…the rule has been…”If my cooking is perfect, THEN my husband will know that I love him and he will know that I am a good wife. If my cooking is bad, then my husband will think I am incompetent and lazy and will look for someone new that cooks better, SO I better spend A LOT of my time to master my cooking skills, so my husband will love me and not leave me.” 

I could go on and on. Do you get my point? We do NOT have to have a “perfect” house, “perfect” children, or “perfect” meals. These things do not DEFINE who we are. Who cares what other people think? What other people think is none of our business. Most of the time they are not thinking what we preceive them to be thinking anyway. When you can start knowing for yourself that you are clean and organized, you are smart, and you are a good Mom and Wife without having to have it all together first, THEN you can get a tight handle on who you really are. ANDeveryone will love you for WHO you are, NOT for WHAT you do or don’t do. 

Take the time to figure you out, to learn to love you for who you are right now first. STOP wasting your time on the smallest things that are not reality. Change the rules of the game you play. 


**Maid…”I clean my house because I love to walk around without getting hurt by tripping over everthing. I organize my house because I want to be able to find what I need when I need it. It makes my life simplier.” 

**Teacher…”My kids have unique gifts and talents. Each one learns on his/her time schedule. I will not push my children faster than they can run because I want them to love to learn.” 

**Chef…”I want to learn a new skill of cooking for me and my family because I want to feed our bodies good and enjoyable meals.” 

Period, end of story. No more “THEN people will think…”. Make the choice. You choose what you do and don’t do. Keep in mind, there are consequences to all your choices. Some good and some bad…more to come on this subject. 

May 28, 2012